At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
