This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
where does the pee come out of this thing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
