What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
