Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
