I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
