I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
