I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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