Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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