He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
