i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
