Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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