The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
