I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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