You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
