I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
