i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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