Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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