Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
