come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I deserve this hangover.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
