Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
