Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
