She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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