hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
