MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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