Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
