You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
