It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
