My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
