3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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