Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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