So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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