i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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