shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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