There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
