PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
