i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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