so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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