Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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