and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
