upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
