new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
