hotel room ftw
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
