my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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