I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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