If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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