While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
