Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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