They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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