Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
