Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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